A journey that one must face in their life

Chapter 3
"A journey that one must face in their life"

Life have its on ups and down. I went on a journey to the south of Malaysia which makes me notice that how I need to be strongly to have a strong heart and will to keep on walking towards my future. The amazing journey begins at late 2007. As for a start I make my way to Segamat with the fear of being so far away from home alone and yet I’m not alone at all. I was with Dyer. We walk side by side making sure every step we take are save and will not put our life in jeopardy.

The new beginners now are far from beginning line. They are now at the stage where they are going to stay at the middle line of the story of their life. How to carve them to be beautiful is what should be considered. It will start to play its role as the story teller.

Being there in the south sure does put a notice on how should one have to be carefully budgeting their money in order to manage their money well. Most of the time I never care much on how I spend my money. But after staying yet so far away from home, I begin to manage my money well. I started to distinguish between needs and wants. I only buy what I need only instead on things that I want. What a huge sacrifices. Nevertheless, I also enjoy things that I want once in awhile when ever I have to give a reward for my own self. (^ ^)v

To be honestly honest, I hate this stage of line. This is where I got hurt a lot. It seems to blend with my life perfectly and without any sign of stopping at all. First of all, I got into a trouble in choosing friends. They made me choose when I don’t wanna choose either of them to be the best. I just wanted to be friend with everyone. Then, secondly, I got news from home. This times its mom and dad. I was stuck in a dilemma which almost drives me into a misery. I got depressed. I couldn’t even hide it. I even almost lost myself in the depression. Then, lastly, it’s him, he who I loved most and he who broke my heart into pieces. Nevertheless, I’m not surprise at all with what I discover. It is as just as I thought it would be. In fact, I’m only sad, as sad as I could be for he promise to tell me the truth and yet he still lie. I already sense it but I was waiting for him to confess. And I guess confessing will never be his thing. Now I’m learning to take things seriously and hide my true feelings.

Most of the things happen help me to develop a wall which protects my heart from getting hurt again. I begin blocking others to come inside my heart once again. I start writing my story in my lappy. I begin to wonder alone and have fun with my friend. Beside that, I moved to another place to start my life over again. Finding peace at a new place. Meeting new people and knowing new things in life. Keeping my own self busy all the times so that I won’t feel sad or lonely as I can see a few of my friends take a huge step and be in a marriage life, having their own family and taking responsibility. The hardest things to watch would be being left behind by them. They never did leave me; it’s just that they have too many things to take care off until they have no time for friends anymore. It’s not their faults. Its how the world works honey.

Hence, never let yourself being left behind. Just follow the flow and InsyaAllah you may find yourself at peace and more relax. No one is leaving you behind Wanie. It is just your feeling of being insecure lately made you be uncomfortable with all situation that there is. Give yourself a break and give it a rest. There will be a day when you will learn to smile once again. There would be a rainbow toward the end of the road and you may enjoy it with big laugh and smile plus with happy tears. That day will make you forget the past and grow up with it. =)

The new beginning for the new beginner

Chapter 2
“The new beginning for the new beginner”

Everyone have their own starting point. The new beginning have already started but for a new beginner like me it takes a lot of courage for me to handle new beginning at a new place which is yet far from my parents. Even thought I’m living with my aunt and uncle in Damansara. Working experience can be a little hard for me. I’ve never been there and never done it yet. Plus handling a new company would be a new start which I may not know how it would end. I’m glad that I have that chance to experience it. Not many of us have it in their resume thou. Let’s consider it as a lucky thing to be happening to a kampong girl like me.

Life in KL seems to be rather different that the one I have in Taiping and Machang. In Taiping is smooth and relaxing. Of course it’s my home town and I’m used of everything about it. Machang give me new view of how the poor coop with their life and learn to be grateful with whatever that I had and have. While Kuala Lumpur give me the vibe of hectic life style and open up my mind on how does the real world looks like. How the town people live their life like. How am I going to react in dealing with finding who am I really is. It sort of giving me the idea of growing up and be more mature in facing the real world.

How can my uncle trust a 22 year old girl to handle his company? Let’s just say that he put a lot of faith in Allah and hope that I don’t ruin it. Thank Allah for showing me path to behave like I should. It is sad for me to make a decision to leave the company in the end. But it is what I should do in furthering my study. 4 month being in the sales area sure build up my confident level to the next level. And this also shows of what I am capable of being. It is the part where I learn to be an adult and to act like an adult.

I know as a beginner I’ve made a lot of mistake that I can’t or might not have the chance to redeem them back. It is the price that I have to pay for not doing all tasks carefully. Some of it is the time that I don’t have just to hangout with friends and boyfriend. Some also the time just to be with my brother and sisters plus cousins. But I never put the word regret to go with it. I have to admit it is the mistake that I need to avoid in order to pay them back. It would be an even bigger mistake if I don’t try and make it up for them. It least I know the key point to every success achievement begin with correcting my own self before judging others as well as learn from other people mistake.

Frankly speaking I used to judge people with the mistake that they’ve made. Putting such judgments can make us look bad in front of other people. Why? It is simply because we are not perfect as well. There no one perfect in this world except for our sole Creator, the all mighty Allah. We might not remember or realize the things we’ve done. Hence there is no person in this world is perfect. They are only special in their own ways which is different from one another.

The lonely girl got caught in her own dreams and hope

Chapter 1
"The lonely girl got caught in her own dreams and hope"

Year 2004 has only begun and I have a hole in m heart after losing my beloved grandma by the end of 2003. Just a few days before going to college she left us all without even properly say goodbyes. Everyone was still at shock upon receiving her death news. Everyone was devastated by the news and having hard time of managing our new life without her by our side all this time. Never thought we could miss her terribly after she left. Life in college is suck. I hate being alone and yet so far from my family. Never-the-less mom and dad come and visit me almost every week if I can’t come home. They just missed me maybe. This was the first time for me to be so far away from them alone maybe. Mom was quite worried maybe and just can’t let go of me.

Life in college is new and was not that easy for my. I was feeling sad because I was placed in Kelantan and I’m not ready to be away from home that far. Making friends was a bit hard at first. I always wonder around campus alone. But I manage to make friends somehow. I come to Kelantan with a friend. Although we were not in the same course but we manage to get the same room with the other two girls. So we got two from accounting and two from statistic course. Fiza and I as you know the two accounting student in the room while that friend of mine, Sophia and the other girl, Ain are from the other course. At first all of us thought Fiza was about our age. But we were wrong; she is 5 years older than us all. We were only 18 years at that time so we were a bit childish rather then Fiza. She’s like a big sister to us all. Those times are the best time of our happy time until conflict started to take it place among us. I’ve known Sophia from my mom.

Our families have been friend for two generation and the third was supposed to be mine and Sophia. But it got spoiled over by some miss understanding between us at that time. My mom was very mush sad that we’ve have such problem. She thought that we can retain the family tides as her grandmother is the friend of my grandparents. Even my father grew up with her father and her uncle in north of Perak state. Hence, this is the reason on why they want me to be friend with Sophia.

Well unfortunately we make up and settle our little so call problem only after she got transfer to Shah Alam. Sophia manage to got transfer the second semester cause her mother was sick. For years we have never contacted each other and made with some other friends that were in the same course as I’m taking. Those few friends of mine become some close of mine now. We started as only classmate then we did some fighting and crying then we become closed friends. Some of them are Dyer, Mira, Aino, Yana, Alin, Dettol, Nadia, Adha and some other. Sorry guy if I forgotten to write some few others. There’s too many to list them out. =P

2 years there have certainly given me a new air to breath. The hole inside my heart begins to fill once again. I learn how to have fun again, to smile and to trust other. No more loneliness. No more fear. I also make a step of accepting him in my life as someone that is truly special. I take him as someone to guide me. I give him authority to protect me. It is simply because he never stops asking for that special place for 5 years. I made up my mind to give it a shot. I give him the chance to try loving me and understanding me. At the same time, I’m giving my own self the chance to know him better before I decide to tight the knot with him. He has been my motivation to keep own going, to finish my study and brave enough to faced any challenge that there is. He gave me new air. It is the experience that I will never ever forget my entire life time. =)

Well apparently 3 1/2 year was a quite long period which made growing up process is suck. But I’m glad that it happens and I experience it myself. I missed my college friends. Hope that we will still be friend no matter what and hoping that my relationship with him would last forever. I pray every single day that my friendship with them and my heart for him will never change. Does it worth righting for? Does I was made for him? Can I face that day when he will turn his back on me? Can I take it easily? I give it all to Allah to give what ever thing that He plan for me. Insyallah.