The lonely girl got caught in her own dreams and hope

Chapter 1
"The lonely girl got caught in her own dreams and hope"

Year 2004 has only begun and I have a hole in m heart after losing my beloved grandma by the end of 2003. Just a few days before going to college she left us all without even properly say goodbyes. Everyone was still at shock upon receiving her death news. Everyone was devastated by the news and having hard time of managing our new life without her by our side all this time. Never thought we could miss her terribly after she left. Life in college is suck. I hate being alone and yet so far from my family. Never-the-less mom and dad come and visit me almost every week if I can’t come home. They just missed me maybe. This was the first time for me to be so far away from them alone maybe. Mom was quite worried maybe and just can’t let go of me.

Life in college is new and was not that easy for my. I was feeling sad because I was placed in Kelantan and I’m not ready to be away from home that far. Making friends was a bit hard at first. I always wonder around campus alone. But I manage to make friends somehow. I come to Kelantan with a friend. Although we were not in the same course but we manage to get the same room with the other two girls. So we got two from accounting and two from statistic course. Fiza and I as you know the two accounting student in the room while that friend of mine, Sophia and the other girl, Ain are from the other course. At first all of us thought Fiza was about our age. But we were wrong; she is 5 years older than us all. We were only 18 years at that time so we were a bit childish rather then Fiza. She’s like a big sister to us all. Those times are the best time of our happy time until conflict started to take it place among us. I’ve known Sophia from my mom.

Our families have been friend for two generation and the third was supposed to be mine and Sophia. But it got spoiled over by some miss understanding between us at that time. My mom was very mush sad that we’ve have such problem. She thought that we can retain the family tides as her grandmother is the friend of my grandparents. Even my father grew up with her father and her uncle in north of Perak state. Hence, this is the reason on why they want me to be friend with Sophia.

Well unfortunately we make up and settle our little so call problem only after she got transfer to Shah Alam. Sophia manage to got transfer the second semester cause her mother was sick. For years we have never contacted each other and made with some other friends that were in the same course as I’m taking. Those few friends of mine become some close of mine now. We started as only classmate then we did some fighting and crying then we become closed friends. Some of them are Dyer, Mira, Aino, Yana, Alin, Dettol, Nadia, Adha and some other. Sorry guy if I forgotten to write some few others. There’s too many to list them out. =P

2 years there have certainly given me a new air to breath. The hole inside my heart begins to fill once again. I learn how to have fun again, to smile and to trust other. No more loneliness. No more fear. I also make a step of accepting him in my life as someone that is truly special. I take him as someone to guide me. I give him authority to protect me. It is simply because he never stops asking for that special place for 5 years. I made up my mind to give it a shot. I give him the chance to try loving me and understanding me. At the same time, I’m giving my own self the chance to know him better before I decide to tight the knot with him. He has been my motivation to keep own going, to finish my study and brave enough to faced any challenge that there is. He gave me new air. It is the experience that I will never ever forget my entire life time. =)

Well apparently 3 1/2 year was a quite long period which made growing up process is suck. But I’m glad that it happens and I experience it myself. I missed my college friends. Hope that we will still be friend no matter what and hoping that my relationship with him would last forever. I pray every single day that my friendship with them and my heart for him will never change. Does it worth righting for? Does I was made for him? Can I face that day when he will turn his back on me? Can I take it easily? I give it all to Allah to give what ever thing that He plan for me. Insyallah.